


Why does everyone make me feel so alone?

by CourtNicxVoltronxYJ



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressed Keith (Voltron), Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 19:55:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13724838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ/pseuds/CourtNicxVoltronxYJ
Summary: Keith is alone and depressed and thinks about suicide.





	Why does everyone make me feel so alone?

The team came back from a long and extreme battle. They all were alive and had defeated The Galar on a planet. So all way well, and they wanted to take a little break and celebrate among themselves.

Hunk prepared the snacks with Coran in the kitchen making some drinks for them. Pidge was working on some kind of lights and music, while Allura set things up with Shiro. Keith sat with his lion as he awaited for this party to start. 

Keith could already feel his anxiety rising within his tight chest, strangling him slowly. Keith lead his back against Red and allowed Red to send positive waves and warmth towards him in her attempt to calm her paladin down from his rising anxiety.

Suddenly, Allura's voice came booming from the speakers, it was time. Time for the party.

Keith slowly made his way out of the hanger and towards the common room to join the others. At first everything seemed okay. Keith ate and smiled and listened to the others jokes but his smile started to fade by the second. As the party grew on, Keith had made his way off towards the corner of the room. 

The music was loud and Pidge and Lance were having a great time dancing with Coran. Allura and Shiro sat down beside one another chatting, while Hunk was laughing at how silly Lance was being while eating something that he said was like cake but it neither looked or tasted like it in Keith's opinion.   
Keith smiled a little bit at his friends...his family being all happy.

But happiness wasn't something that Keith was feeling right now. He felt alone and worthless. 

It wasn't like he didn't try to join in with the others, he did, he tried the best he could. He sat down beside them and tried to be apart of their conversations but he had no input in them and their jokes he just didn't get. So instead of trying and looking as stupid as he felt, he remained silent.  
That silence wasn't noticed by anyone else. 

After sitting there with everyone and no one was saying a single word to him, it made Keith's chest ache. He felt so alone even though he was surrounded in a whole room with the people he loved. Keith's violet eyes scanned everyone's face, trying to grab anyone, someone's attention but no one saw, no one noticed him. He saw the bright smiles upon all of his family's faces, their laughs crackling throughout the room. They all were happy, they all were totally okay and he wasn't.  
Seeing them all totally perfect without him in any of their things hurt Keith so badly. It made the thoughts and feelings he battle with everyday that much stronger and true. He kept telling himself that they were lies, that he did matter, that they did care about him. But sitting here, completely alone, surrounded with happiness but only feeling sadness made him think that maybe those weren't lies at all, maybe no one cared about him, that he never mattered to anyone. 

Keith looked over at Lance then over at Shiro, just hoping one of the two would glance over at him. The sad part was, that they did. They looked at him for a moment, smiled at him then returned back to their conversation, leaving him out once more. It pained him to see that they saw him, but couldn't see the pain and hurt he was drowning in. Or maybe they did see and just didn't care because it was him.

The air in the room felt like it was being stolen and he just felt like he needed to escape it all. Keith got up and slowly exited the room, without a single person asking where he was going or doing. Keith lowered his head as he made his way slowly back to his room.  
Once he arrived he sighed. He was alone like always.   
The door closed tightly behind him, the sound of it being shut made Keith close his eyes as his legs gave out and tears fell from his face.

He couldn't take it anymore. No one noticed. He was unnoticeable, maybe even unloved as well. He has been hoping for someone to save him but no one that he loved was heroic. No one seemed to care about him like he did them and it made trying to tell them that much harder. He was hurting deep down but he couldn't show it because why would they care or understand?  
He knew that if he brought this up to any of them, that he would be made fun off, laughed at. Its happened before and left a nasty last behind plus scars. 

 

Keith made it to his bed, grabbed one of his pillows and curled up with it. He wrapped his arms tightly around the pillow and cried into it. He was wishing that someone was doing this to him, hugging him tightly, grounding him when he felt so lost. He just wanted someone to be there for him, to actually care about him, but no one was there for him. For he was all alone. He never had a place to call his own, he never had a home, so he hated himself for feeling this way. He should be used to being alone, to being nothing to everyone. 

The silence and loneliness was crushing for Keith. His whole form trembled with sobs as he cried out for the something he longed for the longest, to be loved.  
He wanted to be held, he wanted to feel okay and safe. He wanted to be happy but the truth was that he hasn't truly felt happiness in such a long time.

He calmed down slightly and listen to the silence of it all. He waited for someone to come looking for him, to have finally notice his absence and come looking. But no one came and that fueled anger within his stomach. He shoved himself off his bed, harshly brushed the tears from his face and eyes and set off towards his bathroom. He was in so much pain that he just wanted to cause more pain to himself. His knees hit the cool floor before the Altean like toilet. Keith inhaled and exhaled slowly preparing himself for what he was about to do. He hadn't done it in awhile but he felt like he needed to right now. Keith leaned forwards, shoving two fingers down his throat. He pushed down harshly and brought up the things he had eaten.   
Once he was done he clean himself up. He looked at himself and saw nothing that he liked. He hated himself, he hated himself so much but he didn't want to. He wanted to be happy and live his life instead of being trapped in this life that didn't feel like his. Keith slowly turned, still feeling the anger within himself because no one paid any attention towards him, because no one cared at all. He made his way towards the others.

But as soon as the door to the common room opened up to revile everyone, it just caused Keith that much more pain.   
They all were okay! They hadn't noticed that he was gone! No one missed him! 

Keith could feel this chest tightening up, a numbness washing over him and tears threatening to spill out that very second. Keith glanced at everyone for a split second, they all were so happy. He sadly smiled at his family, he was glad that they were all okay and having a wonderful time, Keith only wished that he could as well. 

So he turned and left once more without anyone seeing him, without anyone asking where he was, how he was or where he was going.

Keith's mind kept attacking him, making him feel so much worst.

"Why can't I be normal like them? Why does everyone make me feel so alone? Why do I have to be this way? Why am I not ever enough to any of these people? Why can't I feel some love??'' Keith thought, bringing more tears to his eyes. He now rushed to his bedroom, which was the only place at the moment that felt safe for him. He flopped himself down on his bed and cried. He cried and cried which felt like forever.

Keith then heard voices out in the hallway and he held his breath. He brushed the tears away and sat up in his bed, his heart beating much faster now that he believed that someone was coming to check on him, but that didn't happen. He heard the voices of two of his family members as they walked right passed his bedroom without a second thought about him and continued on blissfully. Hearing as their warm voices faded away back into silence, make Keith feel so numb and worthless. He just wanted to be enough, he just wanted to feel loved.

He couldn't help the way he felt, nor the million of tears that fell. He felt like he was out of his mind, he just wanted to be like them, to be happy.   
He didn't want to be alive anymore, he just wanted to die so badly. The pain was overwhelming! He was drowning in it all. It was all too much to handle, too much to handle all alone.

"I just want to die'', thought Keith. "I just want the pain to end!" 

His mind kept beating him up as he drowning in his pain and suffocated within his tears. He reached for his blade that he had for the longest, he couldn't remember at moment that he didn't have it. Keith turned in over in his pale hands.

He felt so empty, so numb but yet in terrible, heart aching pain. He took off his jacket and looked down at his pale arms that already held many old scars. He closed his eyes and just wished someone was there for him, that someone just cared enough.

He brought the cold blade down upon his wrist, inhaled sharply before pulling it across his skin. He hissed feeling the pain but that feeling was what was chasing away his demons and making him feel a little better for the moment.

"My life doesn't even matter! I'm so done trying!'' thought Keith as he brought his blade down once more to make another cut upon his already flawed skin.

"I'm done. No one would notice. No one would care", thought Keith as he made more cuts and scars on himself. "I'm all alone.''

"I am here for you my paladin'' came a warm, soothing voice that Keith knew belonged to his lion. He sobs loudly at hearing voice and feeling her presence. 

"R-Red?" cried out Keith as he sat his blade down and away from him.

"I'm here" her voice came clearly to him. He quickly shoved himself off his bed and rushed off towards the hanger as fast as he could. As soon as his eyes landed on Red, he broke down completely, crumbling to the floor in sobs.   
Red slowly moved from her spot and made her way over towards her cub.

"It's okay my paladin, I am here for you. You don't have to be alone anymore'' said Red and made Keith sob even harder. He had been longing to hear these very words for his whole life.

Red opened her mouth and Keith slowly made his way inside, where he was overcome with warmness, kindness, support and unconditional love. He continued to cry his heart and soul out to Red as she stayed right beside him, offering all the warmth and love she could give her paladin who has been starved of it for far too long.


End file.
